I've spent a good quarter of my life chasing this silly word call "love". Its rather an exotic word full of cuddly, wonders, excitement, emotionally staggering, and heart twisting moments. Through this process, I've lied to attained many wants in my life, yet I never needed those special occasions or needed any of it. I just simply wanted the word to come into my life. I've made a priority out of it. Through all the hardship and people I have shared it with....I've come to a conclusion....
I have forgotten about my own self..
Which is the honest part of my life that I shamefully won't admit. But I'll write it in here. I have forgotten about myself in so many ways. I'd given opportunities in my life for this shallow word call love. Tore myself into million of pieces, leaving my mind so restless. I've made an addiction out of the word love...This has tortured my life. This feeling has hurt me in so many ways that I forgot how it feels to be happy till now.
Through my eyes, I've learn to put this feeling aside. I reminded myself of what I have missed. Quite sad that I have missed alot of things in my life. Alot of dreams I have given up for this word. Alot of hopes and potential that I could've been. I threw it all away from this feeling and now...I am left with a blank road of nowhere to go..
So these days, I pray for a new beginning. Where I can have dreams of my own and aspire to be what I have envision my life to be. I know my flaws that I am very stubborn to accept changes in my life. But I know that if I can't change my habits, I can't change myself....
Through the sport of volleyball, I have learned that my stubbornness is my biggest weakness in the game. I simply won't accept criticism. I listen but I won't take in the advice, because of that, I am simply not getting better...yet I am getting worse. This has brought me down many times and still is bringing me down. But I am glad that I have found the many flaws in my life without someone's guidance, but myself.
Find it in my own heart and mind to let go of the word love and accept reality. I can live without love because I have all the love I need. Which is myself.
My dream is to be one of the best among the best. If I can't do it, then I simply have failed myself and my whole point here has been meaningless.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
*sigh*..
Some people spend their whole lives searching for a talent to make it their own. Some people are born with a natural talent and waste them unconsciously.
I haven't found mines yet. But i'm looking really hard for it. I don't have a gift or anything. But I sure am trying really hard to make something out of nothing...
I haven't found mines yet. But i'm looking really hard for it. I don't have a gift or anything. But I sure am trying really hard to make something out of nothing...
Monday, June 27, 2011
"We choose our friends"
Its who you accept into your life. Don't take it for granted that some people just can't be in your life. Its not a hard fact, but we all do it, subconsciously we do it without notice. But sometimes we do it because we do.
As the saying go, "we choose our friends." We find it remarkably that we follow that standard as a norm of life. Even in relationships, we choose our partners, sometimes it happens unexpected, but we already know them by far or at least known their existence.
Example - Relationships...guy and girl meets...talk..o so beautiful couple they would've made...exactly "would've"...but a month down the road...they hardly know each other, become strangers. But that brief moment, that could've had something. But something wasn't right...because someone just stopped trying...Its when you choose people who are worth your time.
When you choose, you're not cruel or selective in anyway. Sometimes interest change as much as people change. Cause we are constantly changing as much as the world around us is changing. We adapt and sometimes we get bored.
As the saying go, "we choose our friends." We find it remarkably that we follow that standard as a norm of life. Even in relationships, we choose our partners, sometimes it happens unexpected, but we already know them by far or at least known their existence.
Example - Relationships...guy and girl meets...talk..o so beautiful couple they would've made...exactly "would've"...but a month down the road...they hardly know each other, become strangers. But that brief moment, that could've had something. But something wasn't right...because someone just stopped trying...Its when you choose people who are worth your time.
When you choose, you're not cruel or selective in anyway. Sometimes interest change as much as people change. Cause we are constantly changing as much as the world around us is changing. We adapt and sometimes we get bored.
Transferring to here :)
After years of relationship views and experiences. I have come to a conclusion that there is such differences between Love and True Love in relationships.
Love and True Love both carry the same fragrance of authenticity and realism in their meanings. But there is a silver lining that does exist in the relationships meaning. You can spend your whole life with both of the terms. Love and True love can be lived together, forever, and endlessly. They both have the same connection of emotional ties. Carrying the same analogy of belief system. But it is in the individual that makes the difference. It is in the individual that will carry the difference and be the anomaly of these two words.
Why is it in the individual? According to studies, Virgins are more likely to remember the first person that broke their virginity than anyone else in their lives. Just as much as that study is mostly accurate, this also can apply to relationships. We can go through many relationships, but there will always be one person who has had the most impact on us. Where we can relate to them in so many ways, compare to them in so many ways. Talk about them in so many ways. That person will always be the person who will come up into our mind.
We put ourselves through many new relationships and meet new faces. Engage ourselves in new encounters and risk our feelings in repetitive cycles until we find that certain one. Or find that one that we will spend the rest of our lives with. Yet the ones we spend the rest of our lives with are mutual partners that benefits us in some situations. Not all endings are filled with the one we hoped to spend the rest of our lives with. But we do find one close enough or different enough to impact and assist in opening our views.
Yet deep down, back to individual, we will always look back on the what if of that one person who has truly made our heart skip a beat and left us breathless for the very first time. We will secretively think and relate anything we can in the present to one person. Regardless of gender. Through countless relationships, short or long term, we won't find significance because one person seems to stand out. Differences in Love and True love is that. True love is a gamble that we took upon ourselves to get out of our comfort zone. They are the ones who are able to breach our comfort zone and challenge our way of life. Yet sometimes, they don't stay long, but some they stay forever, and even some...they are a moment in life.
I can think of all the people i've dated. But there will always be one person I'll think about from time to time among all the others. Its not that we stick to the past or can't seem to escape the past. But we accept the past, accepted that this person did exist and has helped shaped our lives, changed our lives and gave us views others can't. Because of that, this person shall remain forever a True love story in our lives. As for love, we'll always find that one person or another. But for true love, there is only one person.
Love and True Love both carry the same fragrance of authenticity and realism in their meanings. But there is a silver lining that does exist in the relationships meaning. You can spend your whole life with both of the terms. Love and True love can be lived together, forever, and endlessly. They both have the same connection of emotional ties. Carrying the same analogy of belief system. But it is in the individual that makes the difference. It is in the individual that will carry the difference and be the anomaly of these two words.
Why is it in the individual? According to studies, Virgins are more likely to remember the first person that broke their virginity than anyone else in their lives. Just as much as that study is mostly accurate, this also can apply to relationships. We can go through many relationships, but there will always be one person who has had the most impact on us. Where we can relate to them in so many ways, compare to them in so many ways. Talk about them in so many ways. That person will always be the person who will come up into our mind.
We put ourselves through many new relationships and meet new faces. Engage ourselves in new encounters and risk our feelings in repetitive cycles until we find that certain one. Or find that one that we will spend the rest of our lives with. Yet the ones we spend the rest of our lives with are mutual partners that benefits us in some situations. Not all endings are filled with the one we hoped to spend the rest of our lives with. But we do find one close enough or different enough to impact and assist in opening our views.
Yet deep down, back to individual, we will always look back on the what if of that one person who has truly made our heart skip a beat and left us breathless for the very first time. We will secretively think and relate anything we can in the present to one person. Regardless of gender. Through countless relationships, short or long term, we won't find significance because one person seems to stand out. Differences in Love and True love is that. True love is a gamble that we took upon ourselves to get out of our comfort zone. They are the ones who are able to breach our comfort zone and challenge our way of life. Yet sometimes, they don't stay long, but some they stay forever, and even some...they are a moment in life.
I can think of all the people i've dated. But there will always be one person I'll think about from time to time among all the others. Its not that we stick to the past or can't seem to escape the past. But we accept the past, accepted that this person did exist and has helped shaped our lives, changed our lives and gave us views others can't. Because of that, this person shall remain forever a True love story in our lives. As for love, we'll always find that one person or another. But for true love, there is only one person.
Changes...
In one year, a thousand of moments that will change your life or give you views will happen. They come unexpected and sometimes planned. The reasons for those actions are always justified as life moves forward and we grow. Can people change? Yes, people are constantly changing through the choices they make in life. The infliction of change is determine by the amount of how that person learns or immerse themselves into.
To change is to better oneself for self reasons and satisfaction. Moments in life are what makes a person change, as to how uncontrollable or preplanned they are. Be hopeful of the outcome for it'll change you and your life. What you do with the change is entirely up to you. Take it as a lesson learn that life's mistakes shouldn't be repeated. But some people will go through numerous same occasion to catch the concept and understand its metaphors.
Be patient with life and take it on headstrong. For all those small reasons in life, they paint the bigger picture for you :)
To change is to better oneself for self reasons and satisfaction. Moments in life are what makes a person change, as to how uncontrollable or preplanned they are. Be hopeful of the outcome for it'll change you and your life. What you do with the change is entirely up to you. Take it as a lesson learn that life's mistakes shouldn't be repeated. But some people will go through numerous same occasion to catch the concept and understand its metaphors.
Be patient with life and take it on headstrong. For all those small reasons in life, they paint the bigger picture for you :)
Friday, June 24, 2011
With a Reason
I stopped praying to God for Love for he will never answer my selfishness. I pray to God for guidance and teachings that would make me a better person. I've prayed for wrong answers this whole time. To realize that my life isn't about chasing people or wanting more materialistic necessities in life. But to have preserve my humanity and to improve my well being. To promote the nature of my ability to the world and captivate each moment. To relish in dreams of purity and self being as a whole. Not to gamble fortune and fame where dreams are based on financial statuses.
Although prayer isn't of my custom, but it is my peace in times when all the lights have turned itself off from me. My prayers are my answers to hope and faith that I am human. That I believe in something greater in myself and in this world.
Although prayer isn't of my custom, but it is my peace in times when all the lights have turned itself off from me. My prayers are my answers to hope and faith that I am human. That I believe in something greater in myself and in this world.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
I'm that guy.
Yep I'm that guy. You know its funny. Because I will be known as that guy. That guy who walked into your life for a brief period of your life. The guy who walked into your life when you had noone else to run to. When you had no one to listen to your stories. Yep, I'm that guy. I'll be that guy who walks in for a moment in your life. Then suddenly out of the blue, disappear. Without a trace or a calling card. What you'll hear afterward is that this guy went off to greater things in life. Chased bigger dreams and lived on bigger hearts and hopes.
The funnier moment is that for one moment in your life, you got to know this guy, you got to share a moment with him. Whether it is a moment of your life, a part of you, a story of you, a broken memory. You shared a part of your life with this guy. The shameful part in life is that, its not you. Its me. I chose to be in your life for a brief period and walk on with my life. You are just another person for me to meet. But you aren't the one. You can be the one, but you know it in your heart...that I'm not the one for you either. But we were potentials that could've been, would've been, should've been. But we aren't. Isn't that a funny thing? lol
So i'll be the guy who walked into your life, regardless of who you are, gender, race, etc. Give you a different point of view and suddenly disappear. Because to me, life is more than standing still. I'll always be moving. In the end, i'll get to know the whole world and one day, the world will remember me.
Thanks to everyone for being a part of my life.
The funnier moment is that for one moment in your life, you got to know this guy, you got to share a moment with him. Whether it is a moment of your life, a part of you, a story of you, a broken memory. You shared a part of your life with this guy. The shameful part in life is that, its not you. Its me. I chose to be in your life for a brief period and walk on with my life. You are just another person for me to meet. But you aren't the one. You can be the one, but you know it in your heart...that I'm not the one for you either. But we were potentials that could've been, would've been, should've been. But we aren't. Isn't that a funny thing? lol
So i'll be the guy who walked into your life, regardless of who you are, gender, race, etc. Give you a different point of view and suddenly disappear. Because to me, life is more than standing still. I'll always be moving. In the end, i'll get to know the whole world and one day, the world will remember me.
Thanks to everyone for being a part of my life.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Life as an RPG
60 years from now. You'll look back. For me, its been 26 years for me. Yesterday night my life was compared to another 26 year old. It made me think real hard.
Someone who was 26 told me he was too old to come out and party. Yet when are we too old for anything? We're all given one lifetime to live. As to belief of reincarnation and other religious views, they are irrelevant. Irrelevant because each life you live regardless of what belief you are, is renewed. But when are we too old for anything?
Is it more painful in life to realize that there are things we wished we could've done. Yet we conform in the world of seriousness and treating each moment as a phase. As each phase passes, we walk in and walk out as if they are different rooms in our lives. But why do we make such rooms exist? I know reality hits us at times, more wise reality hits you everyday. The phrase itself is meaningless because we are all constantly living in reality. There's no daydream sessions where we can pull out the pause button. Or is there any session where we can memory wipe the past events that has happened. What happened has come and what is happening now is happening right now! Look back on our lives, we are always telling ourselves. Telling ourselves that we wish we could've done something better with our lives. Could've lived it up more and should've done more with ourselves. Yet all this talk, but the moment is gone. But since we're still alive, and still thriving, why not instead of saying and thinking...why just not do it?
I'd rather go through life doing the things I wanted to do than doing the things I needed to do. I'll always do the things I need to do. But the wants in my life that makes me happy, i'll always let it slip my hands. So hold on to those wants and needs. Our need for survival is always there, but our want for life has a meaning of its own.
If we all grow up too fast, we'll be the ones in the end, self pitying ourselves. That we could've done something better, yet we decided to play it safe and live inside our bubble. Well good for you, you've beaten the game of life. I'd say following the storyline seems rather dull didn't it? Because you missed out on all the side adventures and meeting new things and places because you sticked to the gameplan. Guess what? Focus on life is good, but take some side tracks to experience everything.
"Life is like a role playing game, if you stick to the script, you'll beat it dully. But when you start taking on side adventures, the game becomes alot longer and more exciting and you'll still beat the game at the end"
Someone who was 26 told me he was too old to come out and party. Yet when are we too old for anything? We're all given one lifetime to live. As to belief of reincarnation and other religious views, they are irrelevant. Irrelevant because each life you live regardless of what belief you are, is renewed. But when are we too old for anything?
Is it more painful in life to realize that there are things we wished we could've done. Yet we conform in the world of seriousness and treating each moment as a phase. As each phase passes, we walk in and walk out as if they are different rooms in our lives. But why do we make such rooms exist? I know reality hits us at times, more wise reality hits you everyday. The phrase itself is meaningless because we are all constantly living in reality. There's no daydream sessions where we can pull out the pause button. Or is there any session where we can memory wipe the past events that has happened. What happened has come and what is happening now is happening right now! Look back on our lives, we are always telling ourselves. Telling ourselves that we wish we could've done something better with our lives. Could've lived it up more and should've done more with ourselves. Yet all this talk, but the moment is gone. But since we're still alive, and still thriving, why not instead of saying and thinking...why just not do it?
I'd rather go through life doing the things I wanted to do than doing the things I needed to do. I'll always do the things I need to do. But the wants in my life that makes me happy, i'll always let it slip my hands. So hold on to those wants and needs. Our need for survival is always there, but our want for life has a meaning of its own.
If we all grow up too fast, we'll be the ones in the end, self pitying ourselves. That we could've done something better, yet we decided to play it safe and live inside our bubble. Well good for you, you've beaten the game of life. I'd say following the storyline seems rather dull didn't it? Because you missed out on all the side adventures and meeting new things and places because you sticked to the gameplan. Guess what? Focus on life is good, but take some side tracks to experience everything.
"Life is like a role playing game, if you stick to the script, you'll beat it dully. But when you start taking on side adventures, the game becomes alot longer and more exciting and you'll still beat the game at the end"
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