Dreams...

I've spent a good quarter of my life chasing this silly word call "love". Its rather an exotic word full of cuddly, wonders, excitement, emotionally staggering, and heart twisting moments. Through this process, I've lied to attained many wants in my life, yet I never needed those special occasions or needed any of it. I just simply wanted the word to come into my life. I've made a priority out of it. Through all the hardship and people I have shared it with....I've come to a conclusion....

I have forgotten about my own self..

Which is the honest part of my life that I shamefully won't admit. But I'll write it in here. I have forgotten about myself in so many ways. I'd given opportunities in my life for this shallow word call love. Tore myself into million of pieces, leaving my mind so restless. I've made an addiction out of the word love...This has tortured my life. This feeling has hurt me in so many ways that I forgot how it feels to be happy till now.

Through my eyes, I've learn to put this feeling aside. I reminded myself of what I have missed. Quite sad that I have missed alot of things in my life. Alot of dreams I have given up for this word. Alot of hopes and potential that I could've been. I threw it all away from this feeling and now...I am left with a blank road of nowhere to go..

So these days, I pray for a new beginning. Where I can have dreams of my own and aspire to be what I have envision my life to be. I know my flaws that I am very stubborn to accept changes in my life. But I know that if I can't change my habits, I can't change myself....

Through the sport of volleyball, I have learned that my stubbornness is my biggest weakness in the game. I simply won't accept criticism. I listen but I won't take in the advice, because of that, I am simply not getting better...yet I am getting worse. This has brought me down many times and still is bringing me down. But I am glad that I have found the many flaws in my life without someone's guidance, but myself.

Find it in my own heart and mind to let go of the word love and accept reality. I can live without love because I have all the love I need. Which is myself.

My dream is to be one of the best among the best. If I can't do it, then I simply have failed myself and my whole point here has been meaningless.