Remember who you are and where you're going..

Easily influence as life can be, just remember who you are and where you came from. Never fall prey to impossibilities. Be the change in life that makes possibility a passion.

:(

mob mob lub siab, los kawg npog cia.

Thanks

Turning 27 this year...when I look back on my life up to now...I am pretty content and happy with the things and events that have occurred in my life. I don't regret the things I've done, the choices I've made or the events that has led me to who I am today. I just wish I had more time to do more in those years that have already passed me. I have lived many dreams and left many ones unanswered as well as some broken. But I won't forget the faces that has cause me to be who I am today...

I'm going to show you how great I am.!

I'm going to show you how great I am. People have I have grown to admire and respected. People that I have grown to appreciate and idolized. They've always looked down on me. Told me I was too late to start something. I was too late to get somewhere with my body. That I'm a nobody and I'll never get better at the sport. Everyday I show up and I give it my all. Everyday I show up and get lectured, humiliated, embarrassed and ridiculed. But I still show up, I'm always the first one there, ready to go ready to get pump. I'm going to show you how great I am. I am not quitter. My passion to rise to the top and will to keep going. I'm going to show you how great I am. Because no matter what people tell me, I'll keep going till I become one of the best, if not the best, the greatest.


Been told many times to retire and quit the sport. Been reminded many time of how awful of a player I am. How untalented I am, but I'm going to show you how great I am. I won't quit even if I break every bone in my body to get it right. I'll be me like I've always been. I won't live in shadows of failure, I'll stand out because I won't give in to influences and disbelief that I can't be someone. Because I am already someone. That's how winning is done. Its not about talents and natural abilities, its the courage and will to keep going and to do it for the love of the game. And I won't point fingers at people, I'm not coward, I'm better than that!

:)

Today is August 1st. My summer has been a blast. All the excitement, drama, fun, challenges and obstacles. I still stand here today and I'm happy for all the moments that have occurred in my life this year. For this year was truly a year of change for me. I am glad to have live through and endured times of change.

When ...

When love don't love you, love yourself.

strangers...

We become strangers because one of us gave up trying or if not, one of us just didn't matter anymore.

Strangers....Usher made my night.

[Chorus]
Say you'll never give away your heart again
I'll be knocking until you let me in
I know you told me, you rather be lonely
You do even know, that's why I no longer want to be a stranger

[Verse 1]
Sorry you put you trust in others and they let you down (let you down)
And all the the secrets and the unknown evidence now open up that you found
Cry your self to sleep so many nights saying you never again
I'm not the one you hold it against baby it's not my place

[Bridge]
Girl you independent as hell and doing by your self (but)
What you gone do when the night time gets cold (when it get cold) (what you told me)
I know you told me, you rather be lonely, you don't even know me
I ain't moving out the way for nothing (I'm sorry) (Cause you say you will never...)

[Chorus]
Give away your heart again
I'll be knock tell you let me in (I know you told me)
You rather be lonely
You don't even know me, that's why I no long want to be a stranger
What I gotta do


[Verse 2]
Stuck inside no matter how hard you try to forget (to forget)
Don't you wish there was a button we can reset (and make it easy)
But you can't take back the decision that you made to love
I know it one that you regret and and not to proud of (no) (because you keep saying)

[Bridge]
Girl you independent as hell and doing by your self (but)
What you gone do when the night time gets cold (when the night-time get cold) (what you told me)
I know you told me, you rather be lonely, you don't know me
I ain't moving out the way for nothing (I'm sorry) (Cause you say you will never...)

[Chorus]
Give away your heart again
I'll be knock tell you let me in (I know you told me)
You rather be lonely
You don't even know me, that's why I no long want to be a stranger
What I gotta do
 [Break]

I remember the break up and the condition that my heart was in (but)
I was looking surrender (no no) I got to be stronger
There nothing that time can't heal
Girl I know your scarred
All I ask is chance to come in and do my part
There's nothing be fear and you been holding on since
Too under pressure and I see you sinking in.... (Cause you say you will never...)

[Chorus]
Give away your heart again
I'll be knock tell you let me in (I know you told me)
You rather be lonely
You don't even know me, that's why I no long want to be a stranger
What I gotta do

Somehow...this song plays. All I can see is your face...and all the promises we made. I'd wonder why do I feel like this...because I hate it. I'd wish you were here with me. How you and me are so close, yet we are worlds apart from each other. How I think about you from time to time...

You will always be you..

Though your life may have change and the many things in your life has altered. Your soul shall always be  you for who you always are. Change all you want, but you will always remain you.I shall always remember you for who you are. For you will and still always be that one person. Regardless of how much time has changed you. Be at peace my friend...

You are you. You will always be you. 

Today's confession.

In this life, I only have one life to live. The actions I have done, the mistakes I have made, to the regrets I have remember. I have no shame in my services and in my morals of life. For I have not hindered anyone nor have altered anyone's destiny in my fortune. For I am proud to be regardless if I am infamous or not, my life isn't judge by anyone who has a beating heart as mine. For my life will be judge at the end of my time, whether it be Heaven or Hell for me.

Dreams...

I've spent a good quarter of my life chasing this silly word call "love". Its rather an exotic word full of cuddly, wonders, excitement, emotionally staggering, and heart twisting moments. Through this process, I've lied to attained many wants in my life, yet I never needed those special occasions or needed any of it. I just simply wanted the word to come into my life. I've made a priority out of it. Through all the hardship and people I have shared it with....I've come to a conclusion....

I have forgotten about my own self..

Which is the honest part of my life that I shamefully won't admit. But I'll write it in here. I have forgotten about myself in so many ways. I'd given opportunities in my life for this shallow word call love. Tore myself into million of pieces, leaving my mind so restless. I've made an addiction out of the word love...This has tortured my life. This feeling has hurt me in so many ways that I forgot how it feels to be happy till now.

Through my eyes, I've learn to put this feeling aside. I reminded myself of what I have missed. Quite sad that I have missed alot of things in my life. Alot of dreams I have given up for this word. Alot of hopes and potential that I could've been. I threw it all away from this feeling and now...I am left with a blank road of nowhere to go..

So these days, I pray for a new beginning. Where I can have dreams of my own and aspire to be what I have envision my life to be. I know my flaws that I am very stubborn to accept changes in my life. But I know that if I can't change my habits, I can't change myself....

Through the sport of volleyball, I have learned that my stubbornness is my biggest weakness in the game. I simply won't accept criticism. I listen but I won't take in the advice, because of that, I am simply not getting better...yet I am getting worse. This has brought me down many times and still is bringing me down. But I am glad that I have found the many flaws in my life without someone's guidance, but myself.

Find it in my own heart and mind to let go of the word love and accept reality. I can live without love because I have all the love I need. Which is myself.

My dream is to be one of the best among the best. If I can't do it, then I simply have failed myself and my whole point here has been meaningless.

*sigh*..

Some people spend their whole lives searching for a talent to make it their own. Some people are born with a natural talent and waste them unconsciously.

I haven't found mines yet. But i'm looking really hard for it. I don't have a gift or anything. But I sure am trying really hard to make something out of nothing...

"We choose our friends"

Its who you accept into your life. Don't take it for granted that some people just can't be in your life. Its not a hard fact, but we all do it, subconsciously we do it without notice. But sometimes we do it because we do.

As the saying go, "we choose our friends." We find it remarkably that we follow that standard as a norm of life. Even in relationships, we choose our partners, sometimes it happens unexpected, but we already know them by far or at least known their existence.

Example - Relationships...guy and girl meets...talk..o so beautiful couple they would've made...exactly "would've"...but a month down the road...they hardly know each other, become strangers. But that brief moment, that could've had something. But something wasn't right...because someone just stopped trying...Its when you choose people who are worth your time.

When you choose, you're not cruel or selective in anyway. Sometimes interest change as much as people change. Cause we are constantly changing as much as the world around us is changing. We adapt and sometimes we get bored.

Transferring to here :)

After years of relationship views and experiences. I have come to a conclusion that there is such differences between Love and True Love in relationships.

Love and True Love both carry the same fragrance of authenticity and realism in their meanings. But there is a silver lining that does exist in the relationships meaning. You can spend your whole life with both of the terms. Love and True love can be lived together, forever, and endlessly. They both have the same connection of emotional ties. Carrying the same analogy of belief system. But it is in the individual that makes the difference. It is in the individual that will carry the difference and be the anomaly of these two words.

Why is it in the individual? According to studies, Virgins are more likely to remember the first person that broke their virginity than anyone else in their lives. Just as much as that study is mostly accurate, this also can apply to relationships. We can go through many relationships, but there will always be one person who has had the most impact on us. Where we can relate to them in so many ways, compare to them in so many ways. Talk about them in so many ways. That person will always be the person who will come up into our mind.

We put ourselves through many new relationships and meet new faces. Engage ourselves in new encounters and risk our feelings in repetitive cycles until we find that certain one. Or find that one that we will spend the rest of our lives with. Yet the ones we spend the rest of our lives with are mutual partners that benefits us in some situations. Not all endings are filled with the one we hoped to spend the rest of our lives with. But we do find one close enough or different enough to impact and assist in opening our views.

Yet deep down, back to individual, we will always look back on the what if of that one person who has truly made our heart skip a beat and left us breathless for the very first time. We will secretively think and relate anything we can in the present to one person. Regardless of gender. Through countless relationships, short or long term, we won't find significance because one person seems to stand out. Differences in Love and True love is that. True love is a gamble that we took upon ourselves to get out of our comfort zone. They are the ones who are able to breach our comfort zone and challenge our way of life. Yet sometimes, they don't stay long, but some they stay forever, and even some...they are a moment in life.

I can think of all the people i've dated. But there will always be one person I'll think about from time to time among all the others. Its not that we stick to the past or can't seem to escape the past. But we accept the past, accepted that this person did exist and has helped shaped our lives, changed our lives and gave us views others can't. Because of that, this person shall remain forever a True love story in our lives. As for love, we'll always find that one person or another. But for true love, there is only one person.

Changes...

In one year, a thousand of moments that will change your life or give you views will happen. They come unexpected and sometimes planned. The reasons for those actions are always justified as life moves forward and we grow. Can people change? Yes, people are constantly changing through the choices they make in life. The infliction of change is determine by the amount of how that person learns or immerse themselves into.

To change is to better oneself for self reasons and satisfaction. Moments in life are what makes a person change, as to how uncontrollable or preplanned they are. Be hopeful of the outcome for it'll change you and your life. What you do with the change is entirely up to you. Take it as a lesson learn that life's mistakes shouldn't be repeated. But some people will go through numerous same occasion to catch the concept and understand its metaphors.

Be patient with life and take it on headstrong. For all those small reasons in life, they paint the bigger picture for you :)

With a Reason

I stopped praying to God for Love for he will never answer my selfishness. I pray to God for guidance and teachings that would make me a better person. I've prayed for wrong answers this whole time. To realize that my life isn't about chasing people or wanting more materialistic necessities in life. But to have preserve my humanity and to improve my well being. To promote the nature of my ability to the world and captivate each moment. To relish in dreams of purity and self being as a whole. Not to gamble fortune and fame where dreams are based on financial statuses.

Although prayer isn't of my custom, but it is my peace in times when all the lights have turned itself off from me. My prayers are my answers to hope and faith that I am human. That I believe in something greater in myself and in this world.

I'm that guy.

Yep I'm that guy. You know its funny. Because I will be known as that guy. That guy who walked into your life for a brief period of your life. The guy who walked into your life when you had noone else to run to. When you had no one to listen to your stories. Yep, I'm that guy. I'll be that guy who walks in for a moment in your life. Then suddenly out of the blue, disappear. Without a trace or a calling card. What you'll hear afterward is that this guy went off to greater things in life. Chased bigger dreams and lived on bigger hearts and hopes.

The funnier moment is that for one moment in your life, you got to know this guy, you got to share a moment with him. Whether it is a moment of your life, a part of you, a story of you, a broken memory. You shared a part of your life with this guy. The shameful part in life is that, its not you. Its me. I chose to be in your life for a brief period and walk on with my life. You are just another person for me to meet. But you aren't the one. You can be the one, but you know it in your heart...that I'm not the one for you either. But we were potentials that could've been, would've been, should've been. But we aren't. Isn't that a funny thing? lol

So i'll be the guy who walked into your life, regardless of who you are, gender, race, etc. Give you a different point of view and suddenly disappear. Because to me, life is more than standing still. I'll always be moving. In the end, i'll get to know the whole world and one day, the world will remember me.

Thanks to everyone for being a part of my life.

Life as an RPG

60 years from now. You'll look back. For me, its been 26 years for me. Yesterday night my life was compared to another 26 year old. It made me think real hard.

Someone who was 26 told me he was too old to come out and party. Yet when are we too old for anything? We're all given one lifetime to live. As to belief of reincarnation and other religious views, they are irrelevant. Irrelevant because each life you live regardless of what belief you are, is renewed. But when are we too old for anything?

Is it more painful in life to realize that there are things we wished we could've done. Yet we conform in the world of seriousness and treating each moment as a phase. As each phase passes, we walk in and walk out as if they are different rooms in our lives. But why do we make such rooms exist? I know reality hits us at times, more wise reality hits you everyday. The phrase itself is meaningless because we are all constantly living in reality. There's no daydream sessions where we can pull out the pause button. Or is there any session where we can memory wipe the past events that has happened. What happened has come and what is happening now is happening right now! Look back on our lives, we are always telling ourselves. Telling ourselves that we wish we could've done something better with our lives. Could've lived it up more and should've done more with ourselves. Yet all this talk, but the moment is gone. But since we're still alive, and still thriving, why not instead of saying and thinking...why just not do it?

I'd rather go through life doing the things I wanted to do than doing the things I needed to do. I'll always do the things I need to do. But the wants in my life that makes me happy, i'll always let it slip my hands. So hold on to those wants and needs. Our need for survival is always there, but our want for life has a meaning of its own.

If we all grow up too fast, we'll be the ones in the end, self pitying ourselves. That we could've done something better, yet we decided to play it safe and live inside our bubble. Well good for you, you've beaten the game of life. I'd say following the storyline seems rather dull didn't it? Because you missed out on all the side adventures and meeting new things and places because you sticked to the gameplan. Guess what? Focus on life is good, but take some side tracks to experience everything.

"Life is like a role playing game, if you stick to the script, you'll beat it dully. But when you start taking on side adventures, the game becomes alot longer and more exciting and you'll still beat the game at the end"

Next lifetime.

I hoped to meet you in the next lifetime. Maybe we wouldn't have to be in these bodies that we are right now. Maybe we can be birds and fly away together.  Maybe our horoscopes would align and we'd be the perfect match for each other. In another life, I would run into you on Mars.

In another life, we might have different last names. So we can fall in love without worries. I'll take you farther places like the moon and have our first kiss there.

But someone has your heart right now. It was already over before it started. So I hope that next lifetime, you'll find yourself back into my arms. I'll have you in my life.

I didn't want to say goodbye. I didn't want to see you cry. Now look what I've done...Broke your heart and I confess, I'm the guilty one. But how I need to hear you here...Every single tears you shed, well it kills me. But you'll never see. This is life without you. I guess I need to know how this feels like. I don't know who to turn to...so goodbye...This is life without you.

All I wanted is someone to tell me i'm crazy. It might just save me. All i need is someone besides me...But this is life without you. Missing you in this life without you next to me.

I'm sleeping through the days..trying not to fade. But every single night I've been lying awake. I can't get you off my mind. The moment we met, I didn't know yet, but I would be looking at a face I would never forget. Gimme the chance to love you, I'll tell you all the reason why. Cause you are mine mind. I wanna know if you feel it. What do you see when you close when you your eyes. I wanna be the gravity in your universe. I finally realize that I can't get you off my mind.

Let me be....

Just please...stay out of my life. Stay out of my heart. Stop bringing me these memories. Stop remembering my phone number. Stop reminding me of this past that you've destroyed. I've walked on with my head down on the ground and had nothing to start over with. I had to push myself up and made a world out of nothing. Please stop coming back in and bringing me these memories...I was happy when you were gone. I'm glad that you are no longer here. I just wished you stop bringing me the past that I don't want to remember anymore.

I've already forgiven and moved on. Stop pulling me back into these nightmares. Stop haunting me. Stop trying to make me accept you again and pretend we never existed in the past. Just avoid me and let me forget about you slowly in my heart. I don't want to see you or confront you, because you still bring heartaches into my soul.

Please, just leave me alone and let me live my life. I've always walked tall without you, so stop bringing me down to my knees with your life. I've let you grow, now let me be.

Its a start

I guess I should start leaving memories in here. Although I've been writing for a while. I'd figure I leave as much memories as I can. Who knows right? The future is unexplainable but at least here and now...I'll be able to dream the dreams I'm living, or write the dreams and hopes that are still unfulfilled. :)